


If We Could Only Have This Life for One More Day

by Larry_Klaine_Stylinson



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cancer, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-01
Updated: 2013-03-01
Packaged: 2017-12-03 23:23:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/703835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Larry_Klaine_Stylinson/pseuds/Larry_Klaine_Stylinson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis begins to feel ill, and at first he brushes it off, until he starts getting horrible headaches. He decides to go to the doctor where he learns some disheartening news.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If We Could Only Have This Life for One More Day

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written as a prompt fill on Tumblr.
> 
> I can’t remember the last time I cried so hard whilst writing a fic. I’m fine, I’m fine. Also I did quite a bit of cancer research for this, so hopefully it’s semi-accurate?

The boys were on a bit of a break, having just finished recording their third album, and not really having anything to promote yet. There were no award shows in the near future, and so the boys were just taking this as some much needed relaxation time. Harry and Louis were sitting on their sofa watching a movie, when Louis started to feel a bit strange. Just a little dizzy, and maybe a bit sick to his stomach. He wondered if he might be getting the flu. He must have pulled a bit of a discomforted face, because Harry turned to him, looking concerned.

"Everything alright, babe?" He asked.

"Fine." Louis smiled. "Just feeling a bit ill."

They both turned their attention back to the movie, and Louis curled up against Harry's side, trying to ignore just how awful he really felt.

It went on like that for a week, before Louis began to get a bit weak in the knees, along with some pounding headaches. He decided he ought to go to the doctor, just to see what was wrong.

He didn't want to worry Harry, so he lied and told him he was going out to the store for a bit, and he'd be back later. Harry had offered to come with, but Louis had insisted he stay back and relax.

Louis had gone out to the car, getting in and heading off to the hospital. He figured maybe driving wasn't the best idea, because his headaches were causing his vision to blur just a bit, but he put on the pair of glasses that he kept in his glove compartment and made it to the hospital without dying, so he figured he was alright. He kept his glasses on for now, seeing as they were easing a bit of the blurriness his eyes had succumbed to, and walked into the hospital.

He told the woman at the desk about his headaches and general ill feeling, and she gave him some paperwork to fill out while he waited for a doctor to be available. He sat there, biting the tip of the pen as he thought, and filling out all of the information he had been handed. Once he was done filling it all out, he went back up to the front desk and handed the paperwork back to the woman. She took it and set it aside, telling Louis to go sit in the waiting room, and that she'd come get him when a doctor was ready to see him.

He waited for a good thirty minutes, and by this point he figured Harry would start worrying about him before he arrived home.

The woman behind the desk finally came out, taking Louis back into a little room, where he sat on one of those tables with the paper covering that crinkles too loudly every time you move, and he winced at the sound. He absolutely hated doctors. Hadn't been to one in years and wouldn't be here now, if he weren't worried he might be extremely ill.

The doctor came in moments later, carrying his stupid clipboard, and sat down on a stool which he dragged over from the corner of the room, "Mr. Tomlinson?" He began.

"Just call me Louis." The blue eyed boy said, not really enjoying being called by such a formal name.

"Alright." The doctor said. "Louis, then. I'm doctor Jamison." He held out a hand, which Louis shook.

"Nice to meet you."

"There are a few things on your paperwork that have me a bit concerned, so we're going to have to do a few tests, alright?"

Louis nodded, trying not to get too scared, "What kind of tests? And what are you worried about?"

"Just a simple urine test, blood test, and a CT scan. And I'd rather not say just yet. No use worrying you if I'm wrong, yeah?"

Louis nodded shakily, although he entirely disagreed. He was worrying now anyhow, so why not tell him what might be wrong with him?

The doctor handed him one of those stupid little pee cups, and he departed to the bathroom. This was usually his least favorite part of doctor visits, but when he came back with the little cup full of pee, he knew there would be worse things to come.

The doctor had sent a nurse into the room while Louis was gone so that she could take his blood sample while he got everything ready for Louis' CT scan.

Louis watched as the woman stuck the needle into his arm, fascinated by the fact that it never really hurt, and soon she was done. She bandaged him up, and then led him down a long hall, and into the room with the big scary looking machine that he'd soon be placed in. He was too old to be scared of these things, really, but that didn't change the fact that he was, and he wished he'd brought Harry along with him to hold his hand and tell him everything would be alright.

He was ushered into the room, and laid down on the little bed, the nurse telling him not to move until she came back in to let him know that the scan was complete. He said okay, and she left the room, as the little table-bed was slid into the machine, and it began to take a scan of his head. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on keeping his breathing even, not too keen on having a panic attack in the middle of the hospital.

Not long after, the nurse was coming in and telling him he could get up now. He was taken back to the little room he'd been in earlier, and the doctor informed him they were rushing all the tests, and that if he could just sit tight for about an hour they should have some results for him. He nodded his head weakly, his headache hitting him full force. It was worse now than it had been all week, and he wondered if it was from stress.

He pulled out his phone, seeing five missed texts from Harry.

To Louis: Hey, grab some strawberries while you're at the store, babe.

The next one came fifteen minutes later.

To Louis: Lou?

And then thirty minutes later.

To Louis: Babe, are you okay? You've been gone over an hour.

And then five minutes after that.

To Louis: Dammit, Louis.

To Louis: If you forgot your phone...

Louis sighed, thinking it best to just leave it. He didn't want to text Harry back and have to explain to him why he hadn't responded and why he'd been gone so long. Because he wouldn't be able to lie if he did that, and he'd have to tell Harry where he really was, and why, and what was going on, and he wasn't ready for that yet.

He pulled up a game of solitaire on his phone and played, looking up at the clock every once in a while and groaning when hardly five minutes had passed each time. Eventually, though, the doctor came back into the room. His face looked concerned, and a bit sympathetic, and Louis just wanted to know what the hell was wrong with him already.

"You'd better come to my office." He told Louis.

So Louis got up, following him down a few long hallways, wondering why he couldn't just be told right here and now what was wrong with him. He was dreading it more and more as time passed, because the longer it took to find out, the worse it would inevitably be.

They arrived at the doctor's office, and he sat down behind his desk, and Louis sat on the other side of it in a large brown leather chair. This was somehow less comfortable than the little table with the crinkly paper, because at least the table felt normal. Like an average check up. But this chair. This chair felt like bad news. It felt like bad news and sorrow and worry. He just wanted to hear what the hell was wrong with him. Why couldn't doctor Jamison just spit it out?

"I've got some bad news for you, Louis."

"I figured." Louis said. There was a bit of silence, and then Louis snapped. "Just tell me! Don't keep me waiting around!"

"Louis, I'm very sorry to tell you that you've got a brain tumor."

Louis felt his heart drop into his stomach, his eyes immediately stinging with tears. This couldn't be happening. Why was this happening? How was he going to tell Harry? The lads? His mum? Management? Uncle Simon? The fans? God, the poor fans. He couldn't tell them.

He realized then that doctor Jamison was still talking, "Sorry, what?" He asked.

"I said that it's stage two, which means that it hasn't spread, but it's very locally advanced. As you may or may not know, brain cancer has a very high mortality rate, so even with treatment, there's going to be a rather low chance of survival."

Louis felt like all the air had been knocked out of his lungs. He was going to die? The doctor hadn't outright said it, but it seemed as though that's what he was hinting at.

"If you'd like we can start you on chemo in three days." Doctor Jamison said. "At some point we may want to try a surgery or two, but that won't be until farther down the line."

Louis simply nodded.

"I'll set up an appointment with our chemo specialist for this Thursday then." Doctor Jamison said. "You're free to go now, Louis. Be careful driving home, and I suggest from now on you take the bus, or have a friend drive you places."

Louis nodded solemnly, standing up and heading outside into the fresh air. When he got to his car he sat in the driver's seat, his head resting against the steering wheel as he let his tears fall. He cried for a good fifteen minutes alone in the parking lot before realizing that Harry must be worried sick by now. He started the car, driving as slowly and carefully as he could, tears clouding his already blurred vision.

He arrived home and walked inside, hearing Harry watching some football game or another on the telly.

"Lou?" Harry called from the living room.

"Yeah, Harry, it's me." Louis said.

"You were gone for hours, Lou. How much did you buy? Need help bringing anything in from the-"

Harry stopped dead in his tracks from where he had been coming to help Louis bring in the groceries. Louis must have looked something awful after crying for so long, but he hadn't bothered checking himself in the car mirror.

"Louis?" Harry asked, stepping closer to the boy so they were mere inches apart. "Louis, what's wrong? What's happened?"

"Can we go sit down, Hazza?"

"Sure, babe. Sure." Harry took Louis' hand, dragging him over to the couch, the two of them sitting down next to each other. Harry picked up the remote, turning off the TV.

Instead of curling up to Harry's side like Louis wanted to do, he turned to face his boyfriend, looking him dead in the eyes, "I didn't go to the store, Harry."

"I guessed." Harry said, looking worried. "Where were you, Lou? What's wrong?"

"I was at the doctor." Louis admitted, taking Harry's hands in his. "Harry I-. Harry, I've got cancer." He began to cry, leaning into Harry and wrapping his arms around him tight. "I've got brain cancer."

"Shh." Harry shushed him, rubbing his back gently. Louis would have been fooled into thinking he was calm, if it hadn't have been for the large tears streaming down Harry's face and falling into Louis' hair. "It's going to be alright, babe. Are you...Are they going to give you chemo? They're going to fix this, aren't they?"

Louis pulled back, looking into Harry's tear filled eyes, "They're going to try, Harry. But there's a low survival rate when it comes to brain cancer. They can't-" He let out a choked sob. "They can't promise I'm going to make it."

"No." Harry shook his head. "No, Lou, they're gonna fix you. That's their job. They're doctors, for Christ's sake, Lou. They're going to fucking fix you."

"They're gonna try." Louis nodded, leaning into Harry's body again.

Harry wrapped his arms around Louis tight, and they both stayed there for a while, just breathing each other in, melding together. Neither one speaking, both boys crying too hard to even attempt to form words.

Louis hated doing this to Harry. Being the one to give him news that brought his whole world crashing down. Both of their worlds crashing down.

"I've got to tell the lads." Louis sniffled after a good long time of being held safely in Harry's arms. "I can't do it alone, Harry. Please say you'll stay by my side."

"Always, Lou. You don't even have to ask. I'll call them over, yeah? I'll tell them it's an emergency."

Harry called all the boys, and Louis sat next to him, frozen. He didn't want to tell the lads. Didn't want them to have to hold this huge burden. But he knew that if he didn't tell them, they'd find out eventually when he started losing all his hair, and they'd hate him for keeping it from them.

Harry hung up the phone and took Louis back into his arms, humming softly as they waited for the rest of the group to arrive.

A few moments later there was a knock at the door, and Harry called for whoever it was to come in. Soon all three boys were filing into the house, apparently having decided it best to all come together.

"What's happened? Harry sounded torn up on the phone and now you two are crying." Zayn said, sitting down in a chair.

Liam sat down on the couch next to Louis, looking extremely concerned for the both of them.

Niall squished into the chair with Zayn, shoving him over to the side, "Have management finally pulled the dick move and told you two you can't be together?" The Irish lad asked. "Because if they did I'll punch them so hard-"

"No." Louis croaked, voice hoarse from so much crying. "No, it's nothing about our relationship. It's nothing about management."

"What is it then?" Liam asked calmly.

"You tell them, Harry." Louis whispered into his boyfriend's ear. And he knew it wasn't fair. Knew he should've been the one to say it. But he couldn't.

"Lou's, um." Harry said, pausing to breathe in deeply, voice straining against the tears. "Lou's got brain cancer."

"That's not funny." Zayn said. "That's not funny one bit."

"Why the hell would it be funny?" Harry asked, angry.

"God, just give it up, Harry. This really isn't funny, and I can't believe you let Lou talk you into pranking us like this." Zayn sounded upset, and Louis understood now. Zayn didn't believe them. He didn't think this was real.

"Hazza." Louis whispered. "He doesn't get it. Don't yell at him. He's-"

"No, Lou, I will yell at him because this is serious, and how could he ever think that either of us would joke about this?" Harry began to cry again

"Shit." Niall whispered from next to Zayn.

"You're...You're serious?" Zayn asked softly.

"Yes we're bloody serious, Zayn! No matter how ridiculous our pranks have gotten in the past did you honestly think we'd even consider joking about this? He's got a fucking brain tumor."

Zayn covered his mouth with his hand, and he looked as though he were going to cry.

"No." Niall shook his head. "Ya can't have cancer, mate."

"Well he does!" Harry snapped.

"Harry, please calm down." Louis begged. "Don't yell at them."

"I don't know why they can't get it, Lou. I just don't-" Harry stopped talking, getting up off the couch and storming out of the room.

Louis began to cry again, curling in on himself. Why was Harry getting so angry with everyone? It wasn't their fault Louis had cancer.

Liam wrapped his arms around him, "It's gonna be alright, Lou. Harry just needs a minute."

"Why's he so angry, Li?" Louis hiccuped out a sob. "I just want him to hold me. I don't care how much he cries, but I can't handle it if he's angry."

"Everyone deals in their own way, Louis." Liam said, rubbing his hand up and down Louis' back.

Zayn came over then, settling himself on the couch next to Louis and wrapping an arm around him, "Think I set him off, mate. I'm so sorry I didn't believe you at first."

"It's alright, Zayn." Louis sniffled. "It's hard to take, I know."

"Not nearly as hard for me as it is for you." Zayn shook his head.

Niall came over then, plopping down half on Louis' lap and half on Zayn's and hugging Louis hard, "We're here for you, mate. You'll be alright."

"Someone go get Harry?" Louis asked. "I want to talk to you all about everything. He hasn't heard many details yet. I wasn't ready to talk before."

Liam nodded, getting up from the couch and going to find Harry, seeing as he was the only one who hadn't said anything to upset the younger boy yet. A few moments later they were both coming back out into the family room, and Liam plopped down in the chair, letting Harry take his old place on Louis' right side on the couch.

"I start chemo on Thursday." Louis started, and the boys all let out a sigh of relief, which made Louis wince, because there was still bad news. "Brain cancer has got a really high mortality rate, though, lads. They haven't promised I'll get better. They haven't promised...They haven't promised I'll-"

"Don't say it." Niall cut him off, everyone already knowing what he was trying to imply. There was no guarantee he'd live.

"The doctor says they might want to try a surgery eventually, but that for now we're just going to stick to the chemo. Which is fine with me because I don't really want people poking around in my head." He leaned into Harry then, the tears beginning to flow from his eyes once more. "Harry, I don't want people poking around in my head."

Harry began to massage Louis' scalp, "I know, baby. I know."

"Harry, I don't want to die." Louis whispered, wishing he could hold all his feelings inside, not wanting to upset anyone further.

He could hear sniffles from all around him, and when he looked up he saw Liam crying softly in the chair, and Niall with his face turned into Zayn's chest, and Zayn unabashedly sobbing, his chest heaving slightly as he tried to breathe. Harry was still crying, just as he had been earlier, and Louis was surprised that he and Harry still had tears left.

The room was silent for a while, aside from the occasional sniffles of the boys.

"Can we watch a movie?" Louis croaked out after a while.

"'Course." Zayn said, nodding.

"What d'ya wanna watch, mate?" Niall asked.

"How about The Amazing Spider-Man?" Louis asked, looking up at his friends. "Haven't watched that one in a while."

"Sure, Lou." Harry smiled.

Liam got up from the chair, going to grab the movie and pop it in the player. He then went and made them all some popcorn, insisting that nobody move from their places snuggled up by Louis on the couch. When he came back, rather than sitting in the chair he had previously been inhabiting, he sat down on the floor, his back resting against Louis' legs.

Harry reached forward, grabbing the remote and pressing play.

Louis felt tired nearly as soon as the movie started. He made it through to the bit where Peter Parker faked being part of that internship so he could get into OsCorp before falling asleep.

000

When the movie ended, Liam got up, pulling the DVD out and putting it away.

Harry looked down at his boyfriend, snuggled up against him, sleeping soundly, "I'm gonna go tuck Louis into bed." Harry told them, scooping the sleeping boy up into his arms and taking him to their room. He pulled the covers back, laying Louis underneath and tucking him in gently. He kissed him on the head and then headed back into the family room.

When he got back, Zayn stood up from the couch, coming over to hug him tight, "M'sorry about earlier, mate."

"No." Harry shook his head, hugging Zayn back. "I'm sorry. I should've understood how hard it was to take. You were just in shock, and I should've been nicer to you."

"Your boyfriend has got cancer, mate. You're allowed to get angry."

Harry began to cry then, and Zayn rubbed his back. Harry hated crying, and he'd done far too much of it today. He had a feeling he'd be doing far too much of it for a while.

He pulled away from the embrace, "I've gotta call Uncle Simon. Set up a meeting with him and management tomorrow."

"Want us there with you?" Liam asked.

"No." Harry shook his head. "Lou and I will be fine. Promise."

Liam nodded.

"You want us to spend the night?" Niall asked. "Keep you some company?"

Harry shook his head again, "I'm tired. I think I'll call Simon and then just get to bed."

The other three lads nodded, taking that as their cue to leave, and they each gave Harry a hug as they left.

Harry pulled out his phone, dialing Simon's number.

"Hello?"

"Uncle Si!" Harry greeted, trying to sound normal, though he knew his voice was still thick with tears.

"Harry." Simon greeted. "Good to hear from you."

"And you." Harry said. "Listen, can we arrange a meeting for tomorrow afternoon? There's something important we need to discuss."

"Sure." Simon said. "Just you and I, or management as well?"

Simon was good about these things, knowing all of the boys' distaste for their management, he would often set up meetings for them with only him, and he'd fill management in on the details himself if he thought it was needed.

"Best get management there as well." Harry decided.

"How does two in the afternoon sound?" Simon asked after a moment.

"Great. See you then."

"And Harry?"

"Yes, Uncle Simon?"

"Whatever it is, I do hope you're alright. Get some rest, yeah? You sound beat."

Harry almost started crying again at the pure concern in Simon's voice, "Yeah. Thank you. 'Night."

"Goodnight, Harry."

Harry went and got in the shower, washing away the tears from his face and neck, and just standing under the hot water, hoping to ease some of the tension that had overtaken his entire body. Once he was clean and semi-relaxed, he got out of the shower, throwing on a pair of fresh boxers and climbing into bed next to Louis, cuddling up to him, and kissing him on the cheek.

000

When Louis awoke the next day it was nearly noon, and he wondered how on earth he'd slept as long as he had. His head was pounding, and he was hungry.

"Hazza?" He called.

Harry came running into the room, "Babe? Are you okay?"

"Fine." Louis said. "Just hungry, and I didn't know where you were."

"You're in luck, because I was making breakfast. Although I suppose it's closer to lunch time, isn't it?"

"Doesn't matter. It's the first meal of the day. That makes it breakfast." Louis smiled.

"Get yourself a shower, yeah? We've got a meeting with Simon and management real soon."

"When did you set that up?" Louis inquired.

"Last night, after you fell asleep."

"Oh." Louis nodded.

He got up and went to shower. He ended up sitting on the cold shower floor for the majority of the time, not trusting his legs to hold up his weight. He'd dropped the shampoo bottle three times, and it was getting a bit ridiculous, really. He was frustrated and angry by the time he got out of the shower, putting on some clean clothes and heading into the kitchen where Harry sat with a plate of eggs and bacon. The smell of the food made Louis feel ill, but he ignored it, eating up everything Harry had made for him.

Once they were finished with breakfast, Harry cleaned up their plates, and then they headed out to the car. Harry drove, and soon they were arriving at the management's office. They got out, and walked into the building, Harry taking Louis' hand so as to keep him feeling safe and secure.

Harry seemed as though he was doing a bit better today, and Louis wondered if he was putting on a brave face for him.

He hoped he wasn't.

They arrived in the room where their meeting was to be held, and everyone was already gathered around the table. Louis and Harry sat down, everyone's eyes on them.

"Alright, Harry." Simon began. "What did you need to talk to us about?"

"I'm just going to come right out and say it, yeah?" Harry asked, and everyone nodded. "Louis has a brain tumor."

It was silent, and Louis looked around at all of the faces sitting around the table. Everyone looked unfazed, their faces stoic and unmoving. Everyone, that is, except for Simon, who had squeezed his eyes shut tight, as if the news physically pained him.

"Dunno what you all would like to do." Harry went on. "But I figured you ought to know."

"How bad is it?" Simon asked.

"Um." Louis began. "I start chemo on Thursday, but they say there's a slim chance of survival."

Still, the majority of management stayed stony faced, but Simon began to cry. Louis wasn't entirely sure if he'd ever seen Simon cry before, and the sight of it put him on edge.

"I wish you all the best, Louis." Simon said, looking Louis dead in the eyes.

Louis nodded, and it seemed as though the meeting was over. Everyone got up to leave the room, but Simon stopped Harry and Louis before they could go, hugging them each briefly.

"Stay strong." He told them. "I assume you want to keep this away from the press."

Louis nodded. The longer he could keep it a secret from the general public the better.

Harry and Louis headed out to the car, then, and Louis asked that Harry take him to his mum's, rather than back to their flat. Harry nodded, and Louis closed his eyes, resting his head against the seat.

The next thing he knew, Harry was shaking him awake, and they were in front of his childhood home.

They got out of the car, and Harry took Louis' hand. They walked up to the front porch, knocking on the door, and soon Jay was standing in front of them. Louis broke down crying and threw himself into his mother's arms.

"Louis?" She asked. "Lou bear, what's wrong?"

Louis shook his head, and she pulled him inside, Harry following after.

"Harry, what's wrong with him?" Jay asked.

Louis didn't want Harry telling his mum, though. He had to do this.

"Mum." He started, choking back his tears. "Mum, I've got brain cancer."

"Oh, Louis." Jay said, tears filling her eyes as she held her baby boy close.

"They say the prognosis isn't good." Louis cried into her shoulder. "I might die, mum. I don't want to die."

Jay pet his hair, leaving light kisses on the top of his head. Louis could hear Harry crying again, and he hated it. Hated how much everyone was crying, and all because of him.

"They're going to give you treatment, though, right?"

Louis nodded, "I start chemo on Thursday. And they said I might need a surgery eventually."

"It's going to be okay, baby." His mother assured him, and for some reason, that calmed him a bit. He stopped crying. "Let Harry get you home now, yeah? Get some rest."

Louis nodded, his mother standing up, and giving him a kiss on the cheek, "I love you, Louis."

"I love you, too, mum."

000

The next day was the last day before Louis' chemo began, and he decided he wanted to go out and do something. Something fun. Something to get his mind off the impending hair loss and nausea that would soon become his every day life.

"Harry, I want to go to an amusement park."

"What?"

"I figure I've only got one day left to live life to the fullest, before chemo starts to ruin me, and I want to go to the amusement park."

"Now?" Harry asked, turning to look at Louis from his place next to him where he had been focused on the telly.

"Now." Louis nodded. His headache was feeling rather manageable at the moment, and he decided it was the perfect time. "Call the lads. Tell them to get over here straight away."

Harry did as he was told and Louis went to brush his teeth and put on his favorite TOMs. The lads arrived just a few moments later, and they all piled into Harry's car. Harry and Louis taking the front seat, and Niall, Liam, and Zayn taking the back.

They drove to the nearest amusement park and hopped out, running inside like the big kids that they were, and Louis realized it had been ages since he'd done anything like this.

He didn't even mind when they got stopped by fans throughout the day for pictures and autographs, because he was with his four best friends, and fuck it all if he wasn't going to have a bit of fun, in case he died soon.

There was no guarantee the chemo would help. There was really no guarantee he'd even live past tomorrow. And so he was sure as hell going to make the best of the time he had left.

They rode roller coasters and ate hot dogs and cotton candy, and Harry won him a little stuffed monkey. Niall made stupid jokes, and burped in Liam's ear, and everything was as it should be. Everyone was happy and smiling, and Louis was so glad that he could bring them out and make them all forget about the horrible pain he was causing them with his disease. He felt as if this made up for it a bit. And now, even if he died, they'd all be able to look back on this and remember the last really good day they'd had with him.

When the sun was long gone, and the stars were twinkling in the sky, they finally all piled back into the car, and headed home.

When they got back, Harry and Louis took a quick shower together, Louis smiling as Harry washed his hair for him, massaging his scalp gently, and then they fell into bed, both exhausted, and Louis dreading tomorrow.

"Harry?" He asked, snuggling into Harry's arms.

"Hmm?"

"Will you still love me even once I lose all my hair?"

"Of course, Lou. Don't be ridiculous. I'll never stop loving you. Not ever."

"But if I die-"

"Stop." Harry said, his hold on Louis tightening. "Don't talk like that, Lou."

"But if I die." Louis pressed on. "Promise me you'll move on? Even if it takes you years, just promise me you won't force yourself to be alone forever. Promise me you'll find someone new." He whispered the next two words. "Promise me."

"I promise, Boo Bear." Harry said, his voice thick with emotion, and Louis could feel his tears falling from Harry's face and landing on his own.

"Good." Louis said. "I love you, Harry."

"I love you, too, Louis. So much." Harry said, his eyes squeezing shut. "Please, just-"

"Shh." Louis soothed. "Goodnight, Hazza."

"'Night." Harry said quietly.

000

Three months had passed, and Louis wasn't getting any better. All his hair had fallen out by now, and he was throwing up at least once every day. The chemo was really doing a number on him, and yet it wasn't fixing anything. Nothing was changing. Not for the better, at least. In fact, it was getting worse.

Louis had been wearing beanies out in public, but fans could tell that there was no hair underneath them, and people had started to talk. Eventually Louis gave management permission to give the news to the press, and soon it was everywhere. Louis' twitter mentions were full of fans wishing him a speedy recovery, and saying they hoped he felt better soon, and Louis had to chuckle at how naive their fans could be sometimes. It wasn't as if he had a cold. He was dying, for Christ's sake.

The doctors had decided to go ahead with the surgery that had been set out as an option from the very beginning, and Louis had agreed, because no matter how much he didn't want anyone poking around in his head, he figured it would be better than dying. Because even though he'd made Harry promise to move on and find someone else, the thought of him actually having to go through with it sickened him. Caused him to have a physical ache in his chest. Because Harry was his, and he was Harry's, and he couldn't just die and ruin it all.

He and Harry were sitting in the waiting room now, the surgery taking place very soon, and Louis rested his bald head against Harry's shoulder, "Are you sure you still love me, even without my hair?" Louis asked.

"Of course." Harry said, kissing Louis on the top of the head. "I'll love you forever and always."

Louis smiled, and they were called back to a room, where Louis was told to change into a hospital gown. They waited there for a while, and then the doctor came in, telling him it was time for the surgery.

"If I die-"

"Lou, you know I hate it when you talk like that." Harry shook his head, tears welling up in his eyes.

"But, Harry." Louis said. "If I die, just remember that I love you. That I'll always love you." He kissed him briefly.

"And I love you, Louis. Please come back to me. Just make it through the surgery, boo, please." Harry said, tears falling from his eyes as he wrapped Louis up in his arms.

They stayed that way for a moment, until the doctor cleared his throat, informing them that Louis really needed to come along right this moment.

"You're going to be okay, Lou." Harry said, looking into his eyes and kissing him gently.

And Louis didn't know why, but he believed him.


End file.
